New Wave of Immigrants Catches White House Attention
Baghdad
3JUL07
Sources in the Green Zone have reported sightings of unidentified objects flying in the night skies over the Iraqi capital city. Reports have also been said to have come in from Fallujah and as far away as Tel Aviv, Israel, and Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.
Once source, Jamal Miletr, is quoted as saying that he could see "little gray men waving" from "windows on the side of a flying saucer."
However, one military source on the ground, Major Flyn Monbatt, RAF, has confirmed the reports at least from Baghdad. "It's true," Major Monbatt said in an exclusive interview. "These little gray men bear a striking similarity to the bodies of those recovered in Roswell, New Mexico, half a century ago."
Pentagon sources have declined to comment.
White House sources state that President Bush is consulting with attorneys and members of Congress to try to include the little green men in his next version of the Immigration bill...
Orlando
6JUL07
Irrefutable Proof Dolphin Intelligence
Sea World scientists today announced in a press conference that they have finally cracked the dolphin language barrier.
"It was the most amazing thing," says Dr. Hyram "Hy" Falutiin. "We have spent decades trying to decipher the whistling and grunting, the various things that the dolphins seemed so desperately that they were trying to say to us."
The dolphins seemed to be content in having finally been understood, and have mysteriously disappeared from all research facilities around the world. In fact, Dr. Hy Falutiin reports that there have also been reports that there are no dolphins to be found anywhere on the planet, to include the oceans.
"It's like they understood that their message had been delivered, and that they have moved on somewhere else." While not specifically tying the disappearance of the world's dolphin population to the sightings of "little gray men" around the globe, Dr. Falutiin has not ruled out the possibility of a relation between the incidents. "Suppose that the dolphins had been sent here BY visitors from another world, with a specific message for us, and that they had made arrangements to go where ever they came from after the message had been translated."
There is one problem with the message, according to Dr. Falutiin. "We're going to make the message public, because we're not sure what it means, exactly. 'So long and thanks for all the fish..."
Stan Lee Signs New Superheroes
New York
2JUL07
Stan Lee, creator of such amazing comic book sensations as Spiderman, the Hulk, the Uncanny X-Men, Captain America, the Avengers, and so many others, has announced that Marvel Comics has signed exclusive rights with the Wolf Boy and the Bat Boy to use them as characters in an upcoming comic book series, entitled "Batboy and the Wolf."
While specific details of the contractual agreements are not known at this time, it is reported that the Bay Boy has contacted a local Remax Realtor concerning the purchase of a cave ridden property somewhere along the East Coast, and the Wolf Boy had been in negotiations for a sheep ranch somewhere in Montana.
When asked for comment, a smiling Lee simply said, "EXCELSIOR!"
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
I COULD write for the AP...
Once and Always, an American Fighting Man
This conspiracy liberal theory AP Spoof has been tracked back by:
Ultimatum to Mosul’s Christians: Leave Within 3 Da from The American Israeli Patriot...
Britain Will Release al-Qaeda Sheik As Payment For from The American Israeli Patriot...
Another Hamas Coup from The American Israeli Patriot...
