Custom Search
Showing posts with label Book of Obama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Book of Obama. Show all posts

Monday, January 21, 2013

Once Again He Spoke Upon The Multitudes

By Findalis
Monkey in the Middle


Book of Obama Chapter 17 




And it came to pass that on the 21th day of the month of January. (The 20th being the day of the Sabbath [Christian] and a celebration of this magnitude is not permitted.) At a time when all is dead and dying. The Anointed One retook the High Office. This being over 2 months since the Anointed One defeated the Good Romney. Amid the hosts of Heaven, singing the mantra FOWARD, The Anointed One started his trip down the Avenue of Pennsylvania towards the Dome of the Capital.

Unlike the last time The Anointed One took this trip, the multitude did not chant: "Hope, Change." In fact, the multitude assembled was quiet lessened from 4 years ago.

Upon the steps of the Dome of the Capital, amid the assorted assemblage of the chapter of the Congress, Biden the Bungler was sworn as the lessor. Then the Holy Chief of Justice, John of Roberts, given his office by Bush the Lessor, came forward to invest upon the Anointed One the mantle of office.

And after this holy act, the musicians played, and the assembled multitude cheered in triumph. And there was great rejoicing.

The Anointed One, renewed as the Wearer of the Mantle of Power, stood before the assembled and spoke.
So many have gathered here to witness My Awesomeness.

I have quoteth Jefferson, but we all know that I am the creator of all.

Patriots of old threw off the tyranny of King George III, for a republic now headed by Me.

As a nation we threw off slavery, built a modern nation, saved a world from tyranny twice.

But today we as a nation cannot do any of this. We must remind ourselves that we are but one nation of many, nothing extraordinary, nothing special. To thrive in this world we must join into a collective.

I have ended the wars of the last decade. Not in victory but our troops will be coming home to their families. Victory is not important. Muslims will always be the victors with Me.

I will destroy the Republicans, the rich and the middle class. They must be demonized and driven into poverty. This does not apply to My friends in Hollywood. Whose propaganda not only helped My reelection but continues to promote My message to the people.

I will keep promoting the myth that a poor child can grow up to have a better life. But the truth is that the poor child needs to remain poor, ill educated, and voting Democrat. For the the poor ever come to realize that if they supported the Republicans and their economic and moral ideas, they would leave our side faster than a speeding bullet.

It is through My will that welfare and other entitlements will increase to the poor. For every poor person will have:
Free Food, Free Healthcare, Free Money
This I give the masses.

It is through My will that the military will be destroyed. I have decreed that we do not need so many fighting men and women.

The guns that I hate (Actually fear) will be taken (by force) from the people. It is through My will, My power that you will be safe.

This nation under My benevolent guidance, will support the democracies around the world. The democracies in Asia, Africa and the Mid East will get My support and care. But not the true democracy run by the Jews. For they are an evil people who stole the land they live on from the Muslims. It is through My will that gay men and women will be given more rights than others.

Through My will, free elections in this nation will be a thing of the past. I will transform this nation into a larger version of Detroit. Thus the nation will be transformed through My will.

This I swear in the name of Allah.
And after the speech He went into the Dome, to feast on seafood, beef and apples.

Then the bands played and the multitude cheered as the parade marched. The Anointed One watched and blessed them all.

The great and the mighty danced the night away. Secure in the dogma of liberal and socialism.

To the rest of the nation while some actual hope. The rest of pray:

God Save Us All.

Friday, September 07, 2012

Missive To The Faithful

By Findalis  

Book of Obama Chapter 16



In the city of Charlotte, in the great state of North Carolina, He came to accept once again the nomination of the party of Donkeys.  The assembled multitude screamed about the War on Women the Republicans were waging.  They screamed about the babies that were being born and girls forced to carry them.  They screamed about the evil  corporations.  Then He assented to the stage.

I am entitled to your acclaim, your adoration.
I am your Messiah, your Anointed One.
I am your God.  The decider of life and death.

We are the Good Guys, the wearers of the White Hats.
They are the Bad Guys, the wearers of the Black Hats.
It is a choice of Good vs. Evil.

We must all work together.  In equality, everyone pulling their own weight.
We will take the wealth from the rich, spread it around and everyone will be rich.
We will bring peace to the world, I will force peace on the Middle East.
I will cut the line that will divide Jerusalem*, It will be a good thing.

I salute our military men and women.  You love Me greater than you love others.
I killed bin Ladin and other members of al Qaeda.  It was done by Myself and none other.
The wounded men and women of the military I visited are now all healed.

It is through My grace, My pleasure that this nation thrives.
I have brought this nation out of depression and into economic prosperity.
I will continue to do so as long as I am your Messiah, your God.

When I am returned to this office I will make the dream of the Alinsky come true.
The Marx, the Hegel will guide Me.  Lenin, Trotsky will be pleased with My work.
We will all be one with the Government, which all powers come from.

The assembled multitude cheered and screamed:
That's Our Messiah!
But it fell flat.  The magic of 4 years ago had gone away.
The people shook their heads,  "Do we really want to use Unicorn Farts and Pixie Dust?"
The speech given by Biden the Fool, the man with Foot-in-Mouth disease was a greater speech than the Anointed One's.   But Biden the Fool is not the man whom the Media exclaim the Messiah.

The confetti fell but no balloons.
The Anointed One, His wife and their girls waved to the crowd.
But the people of the land were not impressed.  They did not stir to his banner.
In the end, The Anointed One will be hard pressed to win in November.

The Democratic Platform proclaims Jerusalem the capital of Israel.  Barack Hussein Obama
claims the same.  The Department of State still refuses to name Israel's capital and now prefers to call it Tel Aviv.


Sunday, March 04, 2012

Bull Sh*t Upon The Jews!


Book of Obama Chapter 14


Upon the 4th day of the month of March, in the year of 2012 (10 Adar 5772) The Anointed One returned to Assembly of AIPAC and spoke.

I bring you greetings, My brothers and sisters.
I bring you My words of peace (and appeasement).

Now is not the time for war.  It is not the time of attack.
We can attack Iran in October.  (When I will need the boost in my poll numbers to win re-election.)
All the Israelis need to do is trust in Me.
For I will protect them.
I am their savior, their rock, their greatest fan.
For without Me there is no Israel.
(Even with Me there is no Israel.)
I will do the right thing.  I am the Chosen One.
And the Assembly of AIPAC sat there, clapped politely, but did not cheer for Him.  They looked to each other and would not believe the words of The Anointed OneHe had lied to them many times before.
I will stop your enemy Iran from making nukes.
I will give more arms to Israel.
I will no longer force the issue on Jerusalem.

My diplomacy against the evil Iran will work.
I speak softly but I carry a big stick.

Will you not support Me?
My coffers are bleeding dry.
(Give Me your money.)
The Assembly of AIPAC kept their wallets shut.  No money for thee they said.  And as for the big stick The Anointed One spoke of, they know it is nothing more than a small putter.


By Findalis of Monkey in the Middle

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Leopard Will Change His Spots

Book of Obama Chapter 13

And the Holy One, anointed by Holy Chief of Justice, John of Roberts, returned to the Dome of the Capital, dressed in the Holy suit and tie and addressed the assembled chapter of the Congress, the Holy Justices of the land, the members of the anointed Cabinet and guests from near and far, the Anointed One, Wearer of the Mantle of Power, spoke:
I ended the war in Iraq, I killed the evil bin Laden, and personally I welcomed all the soldiers home from Iraq. I am the Holy One, the President and I can do everything.  I have brought peace to the world, the world respects us better now than at any time, I will end the war in Afghanistan too.  For I am the Messiah of the World.

I want all of you, My slaves oops My people to remember what I did for you after World War 2.  My Grandfather who fought with Patton (and liberated Auschwitz) and My Grandmother who built the entire US Navy by herself, got to go to college for nothing.  They built the US to its greatness all by themselves.

But now I see that you have done everything to destroy Me.  You have overspent, you have destroyed My credit (and yours), you have bought homes that you could not afford.  But I am here.  I will pay your mortgages.  I will refinance your mortgages.  I will make it all better.  I am your Savior.

I will prevent jobs from going overseas.  I will investigate businesses who outsource their jobs to China.  (That is until Warren Buffet tells Me to stop.)  There will be no more bailouts for banks, for Wall Street, for anyone, except for Unions.  I saved the auto industry.  No one helped Me.  And they are stronger now than before.  (Sorry about the Volt thing.)  I will make other nations have an equal playing field with Me I am the equalizer.

I will tax the rich higher.  And I will tax everyone else higher too.  I will change the tax code.  I am Omnipotent I can and will do all.

I salute America's teachers.  I stand by your unions.  I will throw more money to you so you can indoctrinate the children.  I want a law saying that a child must stay in school until either he or she graduates or turns 18.  That way I can have them indoctrinated to be our slaves.  I will find a way to destroy the home schools, the private schools (But not the ones My daughters attend.), and the religious schools.  Everyone will learn the same, think the same, live the same.  Everyone will get free college under Me.  (Except to the "good" schools.)

I will give citizenship to every immigrant to the United States.  It matters not to Me if they are legally here or not.  And I demand that this be done before the November elections (I need the votes.).

I will create jobs in energy.  I will have the oil fields opened up.  (Until the environmentalists either go to court or demand that I stop.)  I demand that we develop alternate energy (The people who created Solyndra have given Me more money.  I need to give them more government funds.)  Under Me the United States has imported less oil than in the last 16 years.  (Not really but if you tell a lie long and loud enough the sheeple will believe it.)

I will clear away all the Red Tape, all the government regulations that hold business down.  But only until I am re-elected.  Then not only will it all return but I will impose stricter restrictions upon the land.

Under My leadership the Muslim world has undergone transformations.  I was the cause of the Arab Spring, the Arab renewal, the Muslim revival.  This is all good in My eye.  I will remove Assad from Syria, nukes from Iran and Jews from Palestine.  I will defeat the evil Netanyahu and replace him with the moderate Abbas.  There will be peace through out the land, for under Me all will drink the Kool-Aid and sing the Kumbaya.  Under Me all men, all women will live in peace.  There will be peace, the peace of Islam and the joy of the jizya.  This I will demand of the world.
Upon listening to this the people turned to each other and wondered why the Anointed One didn't do any of these things when He first came into office.  They saw what He had done and shook their heads.  In a loud voice they shouted:

NOT THIS TIME!